My Spouse Doesn't Believe in Me

My Spouse Doesn't Believe in Me

By- Zeyeh Life and Business Design 

If you are in a relationship and are thinking about wanting to pursue a more entrepreneurial lifestyle. Being able to tell your spouse that you want to quite your job or whatever you are doing, and start out on this path that has not yet be paved, will be very intimidating. Being married to an entrepreneur or in a relationship with one, will also have it own challenges.  You and your spouse will get a front seat ticket to the ups and downs roller coaster that comes with trying to start, grow or manage your own business. 

But, before any of these fun roller coaster rides can start. Which requires you to be brave and do the hardest thing you will every do in your life. Unwavering belief in yourself. 

If you are currently a corporate structured person and dreaming of that #entrepreneurial life, taking that leap off the cliff into the unknown is going to be the most scary shit you have ever done. Trust me. I have done it like 5 times now.  Holding tight to believing in yourself will be a challenge, but there might be another person you need to bring on board, your spouse. 

I speak from experience. However, my husband was supportive, which gave me lift when I took my leap into the unknown. Let me take you back...

I am fortune to have a entrepreneurial thinking spouse. Long, long ago I would tell him my dreams of wanting to own my own business and he would say " Yea, honey...let's do it! You would make a killing! You will do great!...you'll show these people whats up!" He seemed more excited then I was.  But he watched me struggle trying to work a corporate structure job for years. My natural entrepreneurial spirit would be great with the boss, but would rub all the employees the wrong way. I was thinking of new ideas and way to do things...always very forward thinking. I would get a lot of the eye rolls from my fellow associates and the " who does this girl think she is?" looks. I was also very prone to the very uncomfortable walking into the room and you know everyone was just talking shit about you situation. 

This lead to one crucial point in my life, where one particular bitter, very unhappy women, did everything in her power to have me fired from a job I felt, " was the perfect fit" at that time. This woman obviously did not. The owner of the place did end up letting me go, for reasons still pending...but one reason was the bitter lady told her I may be stealing business from her. Which will be a different article about " women vs women in the work place" . But this not so glorious event at that time...fulled by anger and frustration, forced me... like an abrupt push off a cliff, to fall into a entrepreneurial life. Which later, after fucking it all up the first time and failing, I jumped again from this cliff...this time with a life raft and supplies. 

But back to what I said, my husband was supportive. That day when I can home from being fired from my job that I loved. He cried with me. He felt with me. And he too was engulfed in angry. He said " Fuck them honey, you are going to do it better! Where do we start?" 

I knew I had his support. And even though my first year n business taught me ( almost) everything I needed to learn about failing in a business...he still supported me through it all. 

If you are feeling the entrepreneurial magnetic pull to jump from your organized job into the unknown, making sure you have SUPPORT, not the green light ( you need to give this to yourself ) but, unwavering support from your loved one, will make all the difference in starting your business. 

 

Not everyone is going to be as excited about you starting a new venture as you will. Especially, all your haters #taylorswift #hatersgonnahatehatehate. But if your spouse ( mine was not this way) is resentful to your ideas. If they say things like " you cant do that" or "why would you want to do that?" This will cause you to sit on the cliff and watch your whole life dance underneath you. 

I was working with a client who was thinking about starting a business venture and every time we got to the table to start "talking" about what ideas she had, she would tell me, " well my husband doesn't like if I do this...or that...or if I am working on the weekends. 

When I would ask her "what does he think of the career you are wanting?" Her answer would be " he's not sure if I can make it in this industry, he knows it's really ruff out there..." or she would say " I don't think he wants me to invest any money into it..."

I would also talk with women who would say..."my husband wouldn't be able to function if I was working like that..." or  " I cant talk to him about this because he think's it's not a good idea." 

This seems like it could be the person trying to pin why they cant start their business on someone else... like on their husbands...which can be true. A lot of people need to make excuses as to why they cant start. But a lot of the times it truly was because they didn't  have the support from their spouse. 

And it's not financial support that I am talking about. That is a different conversation. Side note: I don't suggest investing any money into a dream you are wanting to create until you have built your business plan ( you can download as a FREE GIFT from me right here)  and can talk to someone about it.  No, that is definitely a decision you two will have to make together. I also truly believe you shouldn't be investing a ton of money into your business until your business can pay you back for anything your putting into it. This will be a different article...

 

I am suggesting if you don't have the support from your spouse, because they are saying demeaning things to you like, " you cant, you wont, your not..."  then I am going to tell you something you don't want to hear. But it needs to be said....

If you turn down the light on your dreams because your spouse, partner, friend or whomever that you think loves you, and they tell you these things like " you cant, you wont, your not brave...smart...skilled enough..." Then you will NEVER reach your full potential in a relationship with this person.  They will always keep you from becoming. There limitation of themselves, will limit your investment in yourself.  

Believing in yourself is hard. Having someone else believe in you even less will keep you pinned to the floor. If you are in a relationship where someone is saying hurtful things to you like " you are not...," I am no relationship therapist, but you better fucking believe I am a advocate for believing in yourself, and I say, you get out of this demeaning, hurtful relationship quicker then a rabbit running from a fox. The longer you stay struggling with the force of them telling you " you cant" you will watch your body, spirit and dream suck painfully down into sticky quicksand. The longer you stay there, the harder it will be to get out. 

Sadly, and yet motivational, I have spoken to lot's of women who said, "when I was with this person, they kept me from doing these things. It wasn't until I believed in myself, was I able to even try..." 

Many of you are in healthy, loving relationships that will allow you to be yourself and tell your spouse you want to start a new venture. Most of your spouses with be excited, interested and intrigued. 

If you are ready to tell your spouse you want to make a life change and if your feeling nervous about and idea start with a business plan. Please don't quite your job, like tomorrow...that will come soon. Please don't invest all your money. Please don't start doubting yourself. But please DO WRITE A BUSINESS PLAN. YOU CAN DOWNLOAD A COPY OF THE ZEYEH LIFE AND BUSINESS DESIGN GUIDE FOR FREE!! ...yea... I not selling you anything...it's 100% FREE. 

And when you are ready to "have the talk" with your spouse here is a script I wrote just for you! 

 " I am thinking about doing something in my life that's going to require me to be very brave. I want to start my own (         ) and I really need your support.  I wanted to tell you I am feed up with with not feeling I am living to my true potential. I feel inside I have something bigger I want to do. I know there is more for me...waiting for me to unravel it.  I see myself doing these things and accomplishing something that I have been dreaming of and I need you in my corner. I am not quieting my job ( or whatever you are doing)  right this minute, but want to start putting a plan into place on these ideas that I have. I already have a business plan in place. I see more for myself and I am feeling ready. It wont cost us anything to start. I just need some time to do some research and I want to be able to talk to you about the ideas that I am thinking. I am really excited and feel that I am finally showing up for myself in my life and also feeling nervous because I don't want to screw everything up. Can I tell you more about what I am thinking about?" 

You have to be brave. You have to show up for yourself. You are the only one thing in your life that will make a change and take a first step towards a new dream. Be your own role model. Be your own hope. Things will get interesting from here, but you will have support from your spouse ( and from me!) and I say " let's do it!" 

-Zeyeh